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A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face.
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Q. How many Frenchmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A. One, because he holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him
Q: How do you confuse a French Soldier?
A: Give him a rifle and ask him to shoot it.
Q: What’s the motto of the US Marine Corps?
A: Semper Fi (Always Faithful)
Q: What’s the motto of the French Army?
A: Stop, drop, and run!
Q. Why don’t Master Card and Visa work well in France? A. They do not know how to say “CHARGE!”
Q: What do women who are snipers in the French military use as camouflage?
A: Their armpits.
Q: What’s the difference between a Frenchman and a bucket of crap?
A: The bucket
The recent tremors felt throughout France have been attributed to the fifty six thousand+ WWI & WWII U.S. soldiers spinning in their graves.
Q: Why do the French people seem so hell bent on kissing Jacques Chirac’s ass?
A: Because the French, in general are less sensitive to bad smells and certainly more tolerant of bitter flavors!!
Read More…
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The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and has each of them try to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
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There were two lovers, who were really into spiritualism and reincarnation. They vowed that if either died, the other one remaining would try to contact the partner in the other world exactly 100 days after their death.
Unfortunately, a few weeks later, the young man died in a car wreck. True to her word, his sweetheart tried to contact him in the spirit world exactly 100 days later. Read More…
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Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.
She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!”
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Read More…
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Regardless of your political leaning, this is just plain funny…
Note: This is an exact replication of a National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster, and US Army General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?
Read More…
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“France is the most civilized country in the world and doesn’t care who knows it.” —John Gunther
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Happy 14th of July, France
Q: How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris?
A: Nobody knows, it’s never been tried.
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1 I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
2 Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
3 I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
4 The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
5 Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer. Read More…
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A 13 year old boy came home all happy. His mom asked, “what did you do at school today hunny?”
“Oh i had sex with my teacher,” he said calmly.
The mother began to scream and yell and sent him to his room till his father got home. When the father came home the mother said distroutly and close to tears, “Go talk to your son…he had sex with his teacher today!!!!!!!!!” Read More…
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Crystal Defanti cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her fourth grade class because she realizes Little Johnny’s propensity for sexual innuendo. But Johnny remains attentive throughout the entire lecture.
Finally, towards the end of the lesson, Crystal asks for examples of sex education from the class. One little boy raises his hand, “I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs.”"Very good, William”, said the teacher. “My mommy had a baby,” said little Esther. “Oh, that’s nice,” came the reply. Finally, little Johnny raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation Crystal Defanti calls on him. “I was watchin’ TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians. Read More…
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Three couples marry and stay at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they are taken care of by Dave the bellboy.
The first man married a nurse. Dave thinks to himself, “Nurses are known to be hot to trot.”
The second man married a telephone operator. Dave thinks to himself, “Telephone operators have sexy voices.”
The third man married Crystal Defanti. Dave thinks to himself, “Poor guy, teachers are frigid.” Read More…
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“Earlier today, Janet Jackson’s right breast came out, saw its shadow, six more weeks of winter.” —Jay Leno
“Janet Jackson was doing a duet with Justin Timberlake when at the end, he ripped off part of her top, exposing one of her breasts. Kind of ironic, for once, a Jackson getting molested.” —Jay Leno
“The chairman of the FCC announced he’s launching an immediate and swift investigation into what they’re calling ‘Nipplegate.’ … We still have to wait until next year to find out why we went to war with Iraq, but we’ll find out what happened with (Janet Jackson’s) breast probably in 48 hours.” —Jay Leno Read More…
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An important cinema star died and reached the Eden Gates.
St. Peter recognized her and, for all the good things she had done in her life, he decided to give her one chance for a last wish.
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